2016 Halloween movie “marathon” PART 2: V/H/S ((REVIEW))

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So we just finished watching V/H/S and it was actually not that bad, I didn’t get as much as I was expecting (It was recommended and the screenshots made it look promising) It’s supposed to be found footage but they never explain how they got them. But we will write about it later.

Anyways so this movie was about this group of men who get some kind of weird ass job from someone they don’t know to get some tapes from an old house. So they go in there and find so tapes and watch them. There happens a lot more than that, but I wanted to keep it spoiler free. That will be hard for the next parts that are about to come. So let’s write quickly about each tapes.

And of course, SPOILER ALERT

Tape 1

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So we have the first tape that is about some chads that make this nerdy looking guy record them with some stealth glasses. Since I wanted to keep it spoiler free (even though there is a huge one RIGHT THERE. THAT PIC) I won’t talk that much about what happened, but what made it good and what was less good.

Something that I really liked was how great the acting was, it really felt like I was watching someone get eaten/murdered. At the beginning we thought she was some kind of skinwalker but she turned out to be some weird ass bird monster. Does that count as a plot twist or what? It was really cool see the camera man get lifted off the ground by her and just starting to fly, it looked amazing. Too bad the CGI was a fucking mess, it looked like one of those Mario parody videos. Yeah that was a pretty shit ending.

Yeah that tape was alright, definitely the one with the best acting

Tape 2

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Now this one was just really damn good. It was about a couple (Married, I think) that went on a road trip. Nothing unusual, right? Well since we all know that this is a horror movie we just know something will happen to these lover… But what?

Ok that sounded really cheesy. ONCE AGAIN, to keep it spoiler free i won’t say what it was. But goddamn that plot twist was predictable, from the moment they got their fortune told I just knew something like that was going to happen later on. I mean the twist was slightly unexpected at first, but the more I think about it the dumber it is. They just never explain anything.Also a really good part was when the stranger films them in their sleep. Shit was spooky yo. The characters were likeable, not exactly the ones you can relate to. I would say they are the ones that you would feel sad if they would die (But you wouldn’t cry)

It was alright, better than the last one at least. Probably one of the best tapes (The fifth one was the best one though.)

Tape 3

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And now for the worst tape, the one that made me want to die not because I was scared, but because it was so terribly badly done.

It is about this group of “friends” (I don’t really know if you can all them that, since they don’t seem to know each other that much) that go to a lake or something. I am not going to keep this one spoiler free since you just don’t care about these people. Also because it was so obvious that this was going to happen that it’s just boring.

Ok so let me just spit out everything that I didn’t like about this tape. First of all, the blood effects looked so fucking horrible, like literally just an AfterEffects effect. The whole thing with the MYSTERIOUS MURDERER was really weird, and they never explain everything. They are just like “hahaha well you just got used as BAIT for the killer ; )” “Woah haha I know you’re joking xD”

How did she escape the last year? When did she put up the traps? What is this slender man rip-off? That is one of the biggest flaws with this movie, they never explain anything. I mean I know it’s supposed to be mysterious and shit but it gets to a level where it’s just ridiculous. “And then the murder,,, is like,,, he never appears on camera, it’s just a GLITCH and he is just pixels,,, then this dead guy appears again, but WALKING!!!! sudden flashes of DEAD people who definitely don’t look like they got kool aid thrown over.”

Did I mention how shit the effects were? Literally the worst thing ever.

Tape 4

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Then comes tape number 4, which is about a couple that video call each other (or Skype, let’s just say it’s some Skype rip off) Anyways the thing is that she thinks that her department is haunted or something. Pretty cliché, I would say. But wait there are even more cliché moments in this tape.

So the thing is that she tells our man she hears footsteps outside of her door, and that shit’s haunted. Instead of staying in the safety of her room she just HAS to go out and see what it is. And wohoo! More clichés! It’s some pale kid that is SCARY!!!!

No but seriously the twist (yes there seems to be a plot twist in every tape) was really unexpected. This guy is the definition of evil and she did not deserve that. Also he pulled the most ancap thing you can ever do, hiring children.

Now if they only wouldn’t use the same actors over and over again this would be a really good one, but they decided to spare some bucks and just make him do another roll. This one was really shit, how did a Skype conversation get in a VHS anyways? What the hell?

Tape 5

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And last (and best) we have tape 5, which is supposed to be set on Halloween 1998. It’s about a group of friends that are going to a halloween party but somehow they get to the wrong house (Or that’s what I think anyways, what if they got tricked into going there?) and it’s… SURPRISE! IT’S FUCKING HAUNTED! Anyways spooky shit happens but they take it lightly, for some reason. Then they walk in to a ritual, damn that part was funny.

This is probably the only tape where I was actually concerned for the characters, and I was relieved when they got out of the house (and sad when they died like, 5 minutes later) They were just so likeable and they actually went back to save the girl.

Definitely the best tape, it was a lot of fun to watch and it had some good (intentional?) humour.

 

And that was V/H/S, in my opinion it was really good. It had a lot of classic clichés, or let’s just call them tropes that were well executed. Even when predictable at times, it still made me jump a few times. I’m still angry that they don’t explain anything in this movie, really frustrating. Like, why was there an old man just sitting there dead? What happened? Where did the others go? What was the guy in tape 4 trying to accomplish? Ugh.

I think the perfect score for this movie would be a 7/10, not the best movie ever but also not so bad that it’s horrible. I’m going to re watch it some day to see if holds up (or maybe magically gets better)

NEXT MOVIE IS HAUSU!

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